Friday, October 22, 2010

Double Sided Coin

There's two sides to every situation. You ever notice when we have a conflict many times we're so busy trying to prove that our point is right that we never actually listen to the other person. What does that say about our maturity level? What does that say about our mindset?

I've come to realize it's not always about proving you're right and the other person is wrong. You may realize your perception on the situation is skewed, that you had not sat down and logically evaluated all the facts. Sometimes we think so highly of ourselves we never evaluate what we could've done differently. Newton's law says "Every action brings a reaction." What were your actions, honestly think about it. Don't be self centered and pompous thinking you did everything right because guess what, YOU DIDN'T, your not perfect and nor are you always 100% correct.

I believe many relationships could be salvaged if we would humble ourselves and really listen and understand each other. Admit your wrong or even if your not wrong admit that you at least understand the other person. STOP ALWAYS TRYING TO PLAY THE VICTIM!
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Thursday, July 22, 2010

DO IT YOURSELF: EPIC FAIL OR TRIUMPHANT SUCCESS!

Okay my faithful readers it's been a while since I've blogged and I know you're all terribly disappointed. LOL!  Or at least I chose to believe so.  So for quite sometime, I've been keeping to myself that I am unemployed.  And although i don't miss wall street (boring and monotony), I miss the wall street money.  Funny when I was there I thought I wasn't making any money, Ha look at the contrast.  But I digress.  I've been unemployed since February, with that being said when those changes come into your life you learn to cut costs in many aspects of your life.  So I've become the do it yourself queen. If anyone knows me, I am not Do IT Yourself, I would quickly pay someone to get it done. LOL!  Some of the luxuries I loved before I've now either had to cut off or learn to do it myself.  Lets start the list:

1. Manicures and Pedicures:  Oh how I miss thee.
I used to indulge in a Spa mani/pedi every other month.  The foot massages, the complimentary drinks, the exotic colors.  The light airy feeling of being in a whole new world of fantasy, I can smell it now.  But spending $80 to $100, (organic products and a paraffin wax mold)  just isn't cutting it anymore and I refuse to go to those unsanitary places in Brooklyn.  So i dusted off every single pedicure set that I owned and there were quite a few as well as my foot massager and foot soaker, cuticle cutter, pumice stone, foot brush, and filer, and clipper.  You tube, Google, and howcast and researched how to give myself a proper pedicure, even how to properly apply nail polish so you get that even color coat and finish and VOILA!  Beautiful soft feet.  This is a lot of work. Nevertheless, triumphant success.  (my feet and hands aren't done right now so i wont subject you to those pics)

2. Dog Walking:  Yes I paid someone to walk my dogs.

Judge if you like, but I dont own cute little taffy dogs or like i like to call them cats that bark.  I own big dogs, huge dogs,  A rottwieller and an american staffordshire terrier.  Sometimes I dont feel like walking them early in the morning or  late in the afternoon so I paid the neighbor's kid to do it.  My dogs are five years old and heavy but now, that money adds up so I let then loose in my front yard, when my landlord got tired of smelling dog crap and pee, I had to suck it up and walk them, the perks, I get exercise.  Sometimes though the lazy bug hits and I ask my boyfriend.  We'll call this one a toss up.



























3. Dog Grooming:  Yes I paid for this too and as you can see from the above pictures, why!.
Perks, I save 60 dollars, the downside, I put my back out in the winter time because I have to fit them in my irregularly small standing shower.  Summer time I'll just time them to the fence and hose them down. Pictures to follow later.  We'll call this one a toss up too.

4. Hair care:  Oh How I miss my loctician, we had such a bond and my hair literally smiled when she styled it.
Since, I've had locs for five years now, I've become quite the expert on natural hair care particularly locs.  I refuse to walk around like a lumberjack.  More blogs on how I take care of my beautiful tresses later.
$65 to wash, twist, and style
$15 to refresh your color, since i decided to put highlights
$25 to make it curly or wavy
You can see how this adds up.  LOL
So I can do it myself which ultimately hurts my arms, neck and back or solicit family and friends.
I chose option two, I harass my sorority sister or my cousin.  I still consider that Do it yourself and a triumphant success!  Cause now i don't walk around looking like I belong in a cave.

These are all Do It Yourself: and i look fabulous!


5. Car Maintenance:  EPIC FAIL!
I will never be a mechanic, I tried to fix the anti-freeze and the AC on my car.  I cant change the oil, or anything. I almost blew up the car. So I decided my car I wont cut corners on this one, it's just too risky.  I'll just find a cheaper mechanic.













What are your do it yourself stories?

Friday, June 18, 2010

He's Just Not That Into You!

So for the past couple of days I've been watching, "He's just not that into you", courtesy of the fact that my boyfriend cant seem to watch it in one sitting on we're on the 17th view.  Needless to say, I know it by heart. Okay, so this movie is farely old by now and I definitely read the book long before the movie came out.  By the way the book was hilarious to me.  It's all about signs of how you know a guy is interested and whether or not you should waste your time. 

Now, again, I can only relate to an extent.  Like for instance GieGie, she was like borderline psychotic crazy trying to figure out the signs of whether or not a guy liked her.  She really needed to just take it easy and chill. Now I will admit some of these guys were vague and were trying to be nice.  But I believe you can be nice and honest.  Why is that so friggin' hard.  If your not interested just say hey, I had an awesome time tonight but I'm not interested.  Women can handle that a lot better than men think.  Even if they have that desperate look in their eyes, it's better to cut the crap cause then you end up with a confused girl who is cyber stalking you. NOTE: I've never been in that situation.  I don't recall whining and pining over when a guy would call.  If he didnt call I just moved on with my life.  But still you cant blame her in a sence if your telling me one thing and your really mean another.

Now Jennifer Anniston's character was dating the same guy for seven years and she wanted to get married and he didnt believe in marraige.  This is where the boyfriend and I somewhat disagree.  He claims that you cant force a guy into marraige.  I dont think you should have to force anyone into marraige but I do think you should state what it is you want from a relationship to begin with.  I've had this discussion in groups and countless times before.  YOU SHOULDNT START A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT WANT THE SAME THINGS AS YOU!  There's no need for ultimatums or threats of your leaving if they dont marry you.  Just be careful and guard your heart. If you want children and you know it's not a feeling that would go away then dont get emotionally invested in a relationship with someone who doesnt want children.  You'll only be longing for something that will make you unhappy.

I can say this for sure because I've been there.  I've always wanted to be with someone who felt reading the word, going to church, fasting, praying was as important as breathing.  In my last relationship it was one of our many issues.  I spent the better part of our years together trying to convince him that fellowship was important.  Trying to get him to attend service with me, do a bible study with me.  It was taxing and trying and stressful and in the end he was never going to change his mind.  I loved him but I was never happy in that aspect.  It was important to me and something I was not willing to bend on.  I know in relationships there is compromise and even sacrafice but everyone has their deal breakers.

The major problem with these women and most of us in society (men and women) is that we are programmed to think that not being in a relationship automatically means your lonely.  Not realizing being by yourself spending quality time with yourself is the best way to deal with yourself.  Then you can really figure out who you are, what you want from yourself as well as your intended partner. Then you'll know your deal breakers, etc. 

In the end you will be happier knowing your not going to be fighting about the same things for the next 50 years. 

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

30 day marraige challenge

Okay, so I know I have not blogged in quite some time and I'm a slacker but I know you'll be forgiving or at least I hope so.  While reading "The Quarter Life Chronicles"  blog I stumbled upon her 30 day marraige challenge.  I've seen the idea before, thought it was great but completely bypassed it, cause I'm not married.  But then I thought, what  about those of us who are engaged, or who are in relationships that are going to be geared towards engagment and marraige or even our family relationships.  This could be put into practice.  So I decided to participate in the challege using my boyfriend.  We have a really good relationship and a no arguing policy.  We may disagree on matters, but we usually just discuss things and move on from there. Neither of us have tolerance for arguing.  Besides we are two very hot headed and hot tempered individuals, very much the same and I dont see that going very well.  WE MAY BOTH NEED TO BE PUT DOWN BY TRANQUILIZERS if we both ever got that angry.  LOL!

So the idea of the challege is:
1- You can't say anything negative about your husband . . . to your husband, or to anyone else on a daily basis.

2- Say something that you admire or appreciate about your husband . . . to your husband . . . and to someone else on a daily basis.
3- Read and apply the daily task to help you encourage your husband.
4- Read Proverbs 31 daily.

http://www.reviveourhearts.com/pdf/30DayChallenge.pdf

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=303756263880&ref=ts

The above links gives you a daily study guide to help you in the process as well as a more indepth explanation.  It's very encouraging and can really help you grow as a person.

It is natural for us as human beings to complain, many of us get a gold medal in complaining.  Too many times we're quick to point out the negatives for little arbitrary things and cancel out all the positive that a person has done for us.  Now don't get me wrong some of us have spouses and significant others that are complete BASTARDS!!!!!!!!!! and we need to know how to point out a dog and call a spade a spade and RUN.  This challenge to me are for the ones in our lives that are worthwhile and that's an assessment each individual has to take on their own relationships.  Please ladies and gents down be blind and naive. But I digress.  We as women love to vent and sometimes it's necessary, sometimes you need and outside opinion, someone that will give you sound advice, many times that person will let you know where you flubbed up in the relationship cause many times we are blind to our own faults but we must be wise in whom we talk to.  Sometimes we tend to forget that our friends may be less forgiving than we are. And while you've moved on from the last argument they haven't.  They are still stewing and mulling over it, you would think they were married to your husband or dating your boyfriend. LOL!

The institution of marraige in America is in jeopardy.  Its the largest crashing stock.  People are getting divorced quicker than the ink can dry on their marraige certificates and you have to wonder why. More and more people are not looking forward to marraige  and even though I know that its not for everyone a lot of people are just scared out of their minds and I believe I know why.  You don't hear many happy stories when it comes to marraige,  you hear more complaints, however there are a large percentage of happily married men and women out there and they are not speaking up.  The people who do speak up are the miserable ones and that skews the statistics.  If there were more stories of the successes and the happiness then there will be a more positive outlook on this union by both men and women. Even when you look at American television.  The wives are always nagging and overbearing and the husbands and blatant idiots that annoy the heck out the wives and are often times incensitive and we as a society have deemed this acceptable. 

I believe the success stories will help council those who are newly weds or even those considering marraige and teach them how to stick through the tough times.  It will teach you what discussions you should be having prior to tying the knot as opposed to afterwards and then you get the surprise of your life and realize  8 months later your sleeping with a total stranger and your husband is like the same repeated one night stand.  OUCH!  So please everyone I believe this challenge will help those that are single, courting, engaged, and married and teach us all how to improve as humans as well as teach us to have a more positive outlook on love, life, and relationships. 

PS:  I'll let you know how my challenge works out, my bf is traveling right now, so I have to wait till he returns.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Religion vs. Relationship

If anyone knows me they know that I am a devout christian with a wild spirit.  That's the best way I can describe myself.  I was never a quiet personality.  I'm loud, outgoing, outspoken, and I love to have fun.  I enjoy music, sports, entertainment, fashion and still have a strong commitment to my RELATIONSHIP with Christ.  Of course I make mistakes in my life and I'm no where near perfect but I respect, fear, and love God, and follow his commandments and I'm the same person around everyone.  I believe that some saints go wrong when they get so caught up in religion they forget about relationship.  This world doesnt define me nor does the church I attend define me, but who I am in Christ defines me.  He made me this way for a reason.  So many people run from the church because Christians can be so pretentious, they get so caught up they forget how to actually relate to people and show love. There is so much focus on what a person should be wearing, how they hair should be fixed, the outside appearance and their insides are filthy.  They walk around with a chip on their shoulder and are forever guarded and then have the audacity to want to minister to others.  Whose going to listen to you if you're that uptight.  Honestly who can feel comfortable around that. 

People tend to forget that change is a process not an event, and the changes that occur on the inside will reflect on the outside.  God works on the innerman and then moves to the outer.  It really shouldnt matter whether or not my hair is locked or my skirt hemline is on the ground, or whether I worship on saturday or wednesday.  God reveals different things to us in each of our walks so that we may grow and help others, not impose our personal views.  When we get caught up in the above matters then it becomes more religious work.  I know for a fact that many of my friends know where I stand when it comes to my walk with Christ.  They also feel comfortable enough to seek advice and talk to me without feeling judged.  My example of living, my attitude had compelled some of them to seek him as well.  We should be inspiring others not making them run away. We all talk about Jesus and his walk but if you really study Jesus you would see, he had compassion for everyone.  He ministered to their needs without damning them to hell, he listened before he tried to fix a problem, and all those he helped felt comfortable enough to come to him.  He inpired others to talk about living right and didnt impose physical retraints on them, and he loved unconditionally.  Now dont get me wrong, he did call out people's wrongs but mostly the hypocrites who were calling themselves Christians but were really acting like heathens in their attitudes and he didnt sugar coat SIN!

God is working on me daily and my prayer is that I continue to inspire those around me to love Christ as much as I do and not make them run.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Why Did I Get Married Too?

So my boyfriend and I went to see "Why Did I Get Married Too" today and oh boy.  I dont want to ruin the movie for anyone so if you haven't seen it then I suggest you dont read this blog.  So part two was definitely a lot more extreme than part one and I can't front the women in this movie were straight trippin' but I couldn't help but sympathize with SOME of their situations.

Angela:  The history with Angela and her husband is she's caught him cheating in the past on numerous occasions and he is a chronic liar which is why she is so stir crazy besides all the drinking.  So now by the sequel he's turned over a new leaf and is supposedly faithful. But by now the damage is done and he cant go use the bathroom without her getting suspicious.  Big issue in the movie she wants the password to his cell phone.  Her methods of trying to get it, I will say are annooying and I wouldnt give it to her either just because she is annoying but i digress.  I believe they never worked at the issues at hand to ease her mind.  This is a monster he created and therefore he needs to take that responsibility and appease her and give her what she needs to ease her mind.  I do feel however that if she is choosing to stay that she needs to make the decision to either trust him and shut up or leave.  NO ONE, I mean NO ONE wants to deal with that drama for the rest of their lives.

Diane:  SHE WAS DEAD WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Her issue is just not getting enough of what she needs from her marraige.  Probably things got redundant, they are great, she's not bored but its missing something and instead of speaking to her husband she decided to entertain another man.  Big MISTAKE!!!  She was emotionally cheating.  I mean really thinking of another man while making love to your husband.  Brngng home the flowers the other man bought you.  She was asking for trouble.  Now if recall they had huge communication issues from the first movie.  He wanted more children and she didnt.  Now I know the word says when you get married your body is no longer your own but I had to sympathize with her on that one.  It's not easy carrying a human being for nine months.  So many of my friends are pregnant and let me tell you the stories you hear will scare you into adopting for the rest of your life. Was she right to tie her tubes without telling her husband?  No she was wrong but I dont blame her cause somehow he was not hearing her out. She was also neglecting him which was causing more issues.

Patty:  Perfect Patty who was always in control.  I feel for her.  She had not yet dealt with the issue of losing their son. Its hard.  Its easier to fix everyone elses problems and not deal with your own.  She still blames herself. As a mother, that can be classified as failure, my honest opinion I really dont think her husband was understanding enough.  I do agree she could've met him half way and tried but arguing with her is definitely not the answer.  Which is why she takes the lead in everything, I feel that is her coping mechanism.  "No more room for mistakes."  Even the divorce settlement was done so that it looked peaceful until of course everything got vengeful.  That's where i took her side.  Did he really have to go that far?  I understand he didnt want the divorce but that might've been better and given her space to really deal with her issues.  Then the burning of the baby pictures, the man handling her, and the pooring of alcohol on her.  I was infuriated.  That was beyond disrespectful.  I don't care how angry you are, it should have never gotten there.  So when she went bananas and broke everything in the house, I cant blame her at all.  I would've beat him in the head with the golf club. In the end their actions led to his demise.  We should really think about the things we do before we do them.  Even in our rage.  The word says anger and sin not.

Sheila: Sheila's marraige wasnt a bad one.  She's finally happy.  Her husband treats her well and talks to her.  Their issue was his pride and finding a common ground.  We as women want to help, we go into this automatic fix it mode and we need to know our man is okay even if the situation is bleek.  It's like she said, "you're putting me in a bad head space," no one needs reminders of their past relationship and all the crazy that transpired.  It's like I'm with you and things are supposed to be different.  Now I will admit she was wrong for asking for help from her ex.  That was just insane but he could've been more understanding about her sharing things with her girls.  It's a natural thing, this is her family and they been doing it long before he was around.  I get that she should've complied with his wishes and kept their business personal but like I said these same women comforted her through so much, it's natural.  Also her husband should, "know his woman."

This movie boils down to the fact that every relationship needs trust, understanding, and communication.  I know that many people werent fans of it however that is the best thing to pull from it.  Evaluate how you interact with your own spouse in good and bad times and how you may be hurting each other. Try to stay away from being confrontational.  Do not let the sun go down on your wrath.  Anger and sin not. Remember your relationships are a form of minstry as well.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

The bunny or the Lamb

So today is Easter Sunday and unfortunately  I have the flu.  Now I am a regular church goer, saved, sanctfied, filled with the holy spirit, and not just a sunday Christian, you know the whole shabang.  So I treat this sunday like any other, I got my rediculously sick butt up, hacking lung and all and carried myself to church and to my surprise which i should be surprised tada, it's packed and I CAN'T GET IN!.  I'm a regular member. Why should i have to brace myself to get to church two hours early every year just because of this fiasco/circus show? Are you kidding me?  Why is it packed because everyone who doesnt think about church all year round decides easter sunday is that day to go.  So now there is a line that is circling the entire perimeter of the block, i was like, "y am i even surprised?" but i was too sick to stand on a line for an hour so i left.

I mean what is it with this tradition that no one seems to be able to explain.  There is no real understanding to the meaning of Ressurection Sunday.  What is the point if you leave the church the same way you came in?  Only to come back three times a year the following year.  Don't get me wrong, I'm enthused for anyone excited to hear the word but to go just for the fashion show, what is the point?  All your doing is perpetuating the cycle for your children to do the same.  Go to church and not understand what you are really supposed to be going to church for, and it not for the oversized hideous pastel hat and the suit that matches.  It's about understanding the ressurection, why Jesus died for our sins, the uncondtional love of God.  Why we take this walk and journey as christians, the wonders of the redeeming blood.  To have the perfect peace and joy in your life despite all that goes on around you.  It transforms you, allows you to forgive and forget, and love unconditionally.

So my prayer is that all those who attend church on easter sunday, christmas, and mother's day that you do get something from it.  That you don't leave the same way you entered the building.  That a seed is planted and you are truly transformed by what you've learned about the love of christ and hopefully i'll see you all the other sundays, possibly some tuesdays, and other events and we can fellowship together.  Then I wouldnt be so upset that I had to wait in line for an hour to get into church.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

WITH ARMS WIDE OPEN

I know for many of us trust is a huge issue.  By the time we've graduated college, many of life's issues and problems have stripped away the innocense that we once had.  There was a point in our childhood we had unshakeable belief that things will work out.  We had to believe that, even when they looked bad, it was somehow innate.  So really what happened?  What changed?  I have to ask myself that.  Where is that childlike faith that kept me going? 

Too often we are still holding on the things that are holding us back and we dont even realize it.  It affects our work, relationships, ministry, just our everyday psyche and its unhealthy.  I feel like we should challenge ourselves to take inventory of all the negative things that occured to us and evaluate have we really gotten past it.  You think you have but what your reaction when certain topics in conversations arrise, or when you get into an argument listen to the arguments you display. It reflects a lot about what are harboring on the inside.

My theme scripture this year has been Mark 9:24, " Lord I believe, help my unbelief." I keep holding on to that scripture because as much as I believe God there are times when my faith waivers.  I know that's natural but I have to fight that feeling that comes.  The bible says in Mathew 13, 17, and Luke 17 if you have faith as a mustard seed, then great things you will accomplish.  So I am working on nuturing my faith.  The funny thing is I've experienced God on so many levels, pulling me out of one distrastrous situation to the next but when things are dormant and I feel unsure I start to panic.

So far since the end of 2009, crazy things have been occuring and I believe God has been clearing my schedule something serious.  I now see that all the so called "free time" I have which really isnt free at all cause I'm still super busy has given me the opportunity to spend more time seeking him and exploring what I really need to do with my life.  This takes some major trust cause now I really have to depend on Jehovah Jireh.  Think of Peter when he walked on water, completely had faith in Jesus but when he lost focus he starting drowning and Jesus said simply "Oh you of little faith".  Throughout the book of Mathew Jesus commended people for their immoveable faith.   I know that's where I need to be.  I'm coming to God humble, with my arms wide open willing to accept whatever he has in store for me.  I wont worry but I will be obedient.