Butterfly!

As I look in the mirror now I think who is this young woman.  Seriously!  As far back as I can remember in junior high I wasnt very confident in myself.  I was the catterpillar.  I didnt think i was pretty, i had bad acne, a gap in my two front teeth, i was a very sheltered child and with all the traumetizing drama that occured in my life i was lost.  I developed a tough girl attitude, I cussed, had a temper and made it known that I was a force to be reckoned with all the while a straight A student.  Go figure.  I remember just not liking what i saw and although I was always very social and popular and had many many many friends throughout all my schools I still did not feel accepted in terms of looks.  I was a late blooomer and completely cluessless about everything.  As time went on and different people came into my life I started to learn new things, like how to wrap my hair so my perm could look on point.  How to properly use a curling iron and not burn the mess out my ears,  rollers are the devil when you have extremely thick hair cause all you end up with is a afro puff of mess.  By the time I hit the end of my sophmore year of highschool i had switched from baggy jeans to fitted jeans and tighter tops, even some heels.  I always knew who i was in Christ something that never changed and stuck with me always.  So by the time I got to college it was no holds bar.  No curfews, self autonomy and I started learning more and more about myself.  Still, apart of me was trapped inside the sheltered child.  Scared to try new things.....worried about what my parents and friends would think.  Riddled with guilt when i did something wrong as opposed to learning and growing.

BUT!  now at the age of 27, i've butterflied and broken out my cuccoon.  It's interesting, if you were to ask me five years ago would i be this person I am now, boldly I would've told you no.  Simple things people have being doing for years I am coming into my own and trying for myself and it feels liberating.  I'm happy!  I'm confident!  I have unspeakable joy and peace.  For example, i highlighted my locs......This was a decision that took me all of four months.  LOL!  Scared i would hate it, scared other people would hate it, but i took that stand and did it and I loved it.  For the first time ever I went out to eat dinner by myself.  Inspired by two of my sisters F.E.P. and The fugitive.  When I had the conversation with F.E.P, i was like I am not that brave and she told me it's quite liberating.  So one sunday afternoon i did it and you know what it wasnt bad at all.  Again i felt like i knew myself all the better.  I am not going to lie, at first i watched my cell phone willing someone to text and call but then i just said "your rediculous" and put it away completely.  Then I twitttled my thumbs thinking okay, i need to talk who do i talk to, there is an empty chair in front me.........Then it hit me, BOOM!  Read your word.  I've been trying to finish the book of revelation since May!  LOL!  And i did it, just me and God and the word and I felt so free.  Things that were outside of my comfort zone is now my comfort zone.  And as time goes by I am experimenting more and more (of course within reason and within the guidelines of living my life for God), but boundless of fear. 

I want to do a carreer change, so i'm taking classes and lessons on the side no matter how painful.  I'M BEING ME!  I can scream it from the mountain tops.  I LOVE ME AND IT SHOWS!  No longer am I slapping God in the face about his creation but thanking him for allowing me to blossom and working on me.  I feel empowered through Christ. I am officially THE BUTTERFLY! and although i have more growing to do and things to try, i am going forth in faith.  Next, i'm going to go to the movies by self, maybe go on a carraige ride through the city, etc.

So until next time........I'm learning about me.  :-)